The Phrases from A Dad That Saved Me as a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was just in survival mode for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the reality rapidly became "very different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct statement "You're not in a good spot. You need some help. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more comfortable discussing the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a wider reluctance to open up between men, who still internalise harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a show of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to request a break - taking a couple of days away, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "terrible actions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he explains. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a family member, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - sharing their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the most effective way you can support your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their pain, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I think my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are through this experience."